Forever in our Hearts

Our Mom became a beautiful butterfly, and one came to visit our backyard the eve of her 1year anniversary of passing into eternity.  PHOTOGRAPHER:  Gary Bednorz

Our Mom became a beautiful butterfly, and one came to visit our backyard the eve of her 1year anniversary of passing into eternity. PHOTOGRAPHER: Gary Bednorz

Even though my sister preferred not to partake, I held out hope and kept looking in my rearview mirror. Knowing all the while she would not show. So what I thought was going to be a process supported by & with each other is not, and what a missed opportunity she had to join me knowing my only response would be that of gratitude and Love if she only had the strength to take that step toward contrition. Her absence added to my sadness, so I just remind myself “it’s her own journey”

When we arrived at the gravesite after being escorted by one of the ground’s attendants I envisioned we would be placing the plastic box housing my Mother’s ashes in a small more hefty “coffin” (as in my uncle’s interment.) So surprised I said “AS  IS!”…the attendant obliged.

I scattered rose petals from my birthday bouquets and garden in the earth, and then when asked if I wanted to be the one to put her in, I said yes. I held the brown plastic box close then placed her gently down, sprinkling the remainder of the petals. Kneeling, I then read the most beautiful poem I could find for her;

“The same stream of life that runs through my veins night and day
Runs through the world and dances in rhythmic measures.

It is the same life that shoots in joy through the dust of the earth
In numberless blades of grass
And breaks into tumultuous waves of leaves and flowers.

It is the same life that is rocked in the ocean-cradle of birth
And of death, in ebb and in flow.

I feel my limbs are made glorious by the touch of this world of life.
And my pride is from the life-throb of ages dancing in my blood this moment.”

~ Rabindranath Tagore

Then placed the poem paper note with her as well. I said “thank you” to the three attendants, two of which dug the small grave. One of them, Derek, replied with “it was an honor”. I keep thinking and will forever remember him for how truly kind and tender that was of him.

Also, taking from my sister’s response email: “I know she is in my heart and with me always”, made for the perfect message for Mom’s grave marker: “Forever in Our Hearts”

Although I didn’t recall from previous visits that my Father rests on a hill, when I stood up I took in how beautiful a spot for them both – overlooking a magnolia tree for me, a golf course for my sister.

I kept a very small scoop of ashes to someday take to Palermo, Italy. There is a tiny village centered in Sicily named Petralia – Mom’s maiden name. Thinking it would be nice to leave, rather “return”, a bit of her there, her ancestral home.  Grateful I have Gary, and by my side.  My Mother’s loss just as great for him.

Thankful to so many for so much Love and care received, and so blessed to have such heartfelt support during the journey of Mother’s passing, while I navigate through this tender time. I’m strong & brave, although at times crumble, because too, of the loss of the remainder of my nuclear family. I know when it comes to matters of eternity all will work out more perfectly than I, or anyone, could possibly predict or imagine.

We discovered our Mother’s note to us the very last night, emptying out the very last piece of furniture, as we prepared to leave her home for the very last time.  At first I thought she wrote this possibly some months, or the year before, putting it in her desk and forgetting about it.  Recently, I’ve come to believe, she scribbling out her message to us soon before she died.  A precious gift that anyone who Loved their parent would treasure.   Although, at the time of discovery, I did find it curious that she would say to us “Love and take care of each other” as my sister and I were fine; Calling each other daily, supporting each other through some of our most trying of life’s challenges, and especially in solidarity with our Mother’s care.  We would never, could never, be at odds with one another.  Little did I know that my Mother had the wisdom of the universe, and her note was, is, indeed, a message from the future.

We discovered our Mother’s note to us the very last night, emptying out the very last piece of furniture, as we prepared to leave her home for the very last time. At first I thought she wrote this possibly some months, or the year before, putting it in her desk and forgetting about it. Recently, I’ve come to believe, she scribbling out her message to us soon before she died. A precious gift that anyone who Loved their parent would treasure.
Although, at the time of discovery, I did find it curious that she would say to us “Love and take care of each other” as my sister and I were fine; Calling each other daily, supporting each other through some of our most trying of life’s challenges, and especially in solidarity with our Mother’s care. We would never, could never, be at odds with one another. Little did I know that my Mother had the wisdom of the universe, and her note was, is, indeed, a message from the future.

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